This was something that popped up in my Facebook memories that I wrote 4 years ago. I smiled as I know God put it right there to remind me what I often forget.
There were times I doubted it. No matter how much I prayed, no matter how much I was confident in myself, no matter how much I knew it was God's plan. I doubted myself. I doubted my abilities. I doubted all of it. I questioned why! I would pray and pray for things to be better. Pray for the burden and the adversity to be lifted. Pray to God asking Him why me! He answered me over and over by giving me more, but I couldn't and wouldn't see it. Funny how that works, isn't it? We know what we should feel, but we don't always feel it. We know that faith tells us to trust, but we don't always trust. It's hard to see it sometimes. God, however, understands that we must find Him at our own pace. That we must endure those trials, and He will be there when we are ready. Ready to accept that all of it matters and is part of His plan for us. It's cliche, I know, but everything does happen for a reason. Everything is part of understanding that God's love is unconditional, and our ability to accept that will be how we accept the things given to us to grow. I continue to pray, but I don't pray the same. Over time, my prayers are no longer that things will be better. Instead, I ask for strength. I ask for understanding. I ask for God's patience with me. That I would appreciate the lessons that He was teaching me and that I would find the ability to be thankful for everything that He felt I could handle... For being there with me as we handled it together - In faith, in hope, in love. Through Him, with Him and in Him.