Daily BITUB- “Sometimes the Hardest Person to Forgive Is Yourself.”

“Sometimes the Hardest Person to Forgive Is Yourself.”

Truth be told… It’s been a rough few days. 

The past few days I have been stressed about my beautiful wife, cancer, insurance, money, not sleeping, and just tired. And I don’t mean just a little tired. I mean the kind of tired that goes deeper than needing to pause and rest. The kind of tired that builds up over time, when you’re trying to stay strong, keep smiling, be there for your family, and carry things that sometimes feel heavier than you’re willing to admit. And unfortunately, I let that exhaustion get the best of me. I was short with people I love. I allowed my frustration come out in ways they didn’t deserve… “Leave me alone.” “Do it yourself.” “I just want to sleep.” I let my tiredness speak louder than my heart and i’m wasting moments. Precious moments. 

And afterward, I felt terrible. I feel terrible now.

Not because anyone made me feel that way, but because I knew better. I know the importance of kindness, patience, grace, and love. I talk about those things all the time. I genuinely try to live them. Yet, lately I have fallen short.

And here’s the part I’ve struggled with the most…

I could forgive someone else for doing the exact same thing, but I couldn’t seem to forgive myself.

I kept replaying the conversations. Thinking about what I said, how I said it, and how I could have handled things differently. I was already physically and emotionally exhausted, and instead of allowing myself some grace, I added guilt to the weight I was carrying. I’ve been thinking a lot about that. Why is it that we can show so much compassion to others but struggle to offer ourselves even a little? I think sometimes we become so determined to be strong for everyone else that we forget we’re human, too. We have limits. We get overwhelmed. We get frustrated. And yes, sometimes we hurt the very people we love the most.  That doesn’t make it right. Being tired isn’t an excuse to treat someone poorly. But making a mistake doesn’t mean we have to keep punishing ourselves for it. We can apologize. We can take responsibility. We can learn. And we can do better. But we also have to forgive ourselves. I believe God has been teaching me something through all of this. He doesn’t expect me to be perfect. He asks me to love, to grow, to recognize when I’ve fallen short, and to trust His grace enough to begin again. And maybe that’s what I needed to understand. I’ve spent so much time trying to be strong through life’s challenges that I’ve forgotten it’s okay to admit when I’m running on empty. It’s okay to say I’m tired. It’s okay to need a moment. And it’s okay to acknowledge that even with the best intentions, I won’t always get everything right. I told my wife this morning I must be better at saying i’m out of juice. I’m at a peak of exhaustion. Too many times none of us do that. We must! It’s ok! 

To those who caught the worst of me when I was feeling my worst, I’m sorry. You deserved better.

And to myself, I’m trying to say something I probably should have said sooner…

I forgive you, too.

Because the people I love deserve the best of me, but I also deserve the grace to grow into that person every day. Life is too precious, and the people we love are too important, to allow one difficult moment to steal the joy from all the beautiful ones. So today, I’m choosing to learn from yesterday instead of living in it. I’m choosing love over frustration, grace over guilt, and forgiveness over self-punishment. And perhaps most importantly, I’m learning that sometimes being strong means admitting you’re tired before your exhaustion starts hurting the people you’re trying so hard to love.

God’s grace is enough for me. Now I just need to learn to give myself a little of it.

Believe In The Unbelievable that is YOU and my prayer for you today is from Ephesians 4:32.

“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” 

Have a great day ahead everyone. 

Little Boy, Big Dreams LLC

Purposeful Pathways 

DC

Daily BITUB- “Be Still”

“Be Still”

“And they lived happily ever after.” I’ve read that several times in things I wrote in my journals for years and years. In fact, I wrote it in 2003 when Andie and I got married. We love it, and we chase it. Then I read things I wrote as the years went by that showed I didn’t really believe that all the time. The trials of life. The dark moments. I doubted my own words. In fact, I see moments I doubted everything and every one. Real and raw emotions engulfed me many times. I had a lot of demons from a lot of things. 

Then as I was writing I had YouTube on and when I looked up I saw something that made me laugh. 

Does anyone remember the old Tootsie Pop commercial in which a little boy asks the wise old owl, “How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?”

The owl starts counting: One… Two… Three… and then CRUNCH! He bites straight through it.

The more I wrote, the more I realized I am the owl! That impatient crunch captures something I recognize in myself. I know may be a stretch for many, but was a revelation for me. I want to trust God’s process, but when the waiting becomes uncomfortable, I am tempted to force my way through the uncertainty just to reach an answer. One, two, three… Crunch!

This has been a reoccurring familiar situation for me over the years. I even asked myself as I was looking for remedies, the right foods, the right blogs, podcasts, bible verses, the right meds… DC, isn’t this familiar? How many times have we been here? 

We ask God for guidance, say we trust His plan, and then quietly wonder whether He might move things along a little faster. (Just a little faster, please) Patience sounds simple until the waiting touches the people and circumstances closest to our hearts. When I think about our family, I want the confidence that everything will be okay. I want the unknown to become clear and this difficult season to lead somewhere peaceful, but am I willing to accept what God intends for that peace to be? Then I hear God saying that peace is everywhere we allow it to be. Yet faith, or peace, does not require a complete explanation. God has not asked me to solve every mystery or predict every outcome. He has asked me to trust Him and remain faithful in the present. I know I keep saying that in my writings, but it’s my way of conveying to myself it’s real. That does not erase the questions or prevent fear, weariness, and frustration. It means remembering that God is still working. He’s always working. My family and friends continue to teach me what that looks like. Love does not disappear when life becomes complicated; it gives us courage and reminds us that our connection remains strong, even when everyone is stretched thin, med bills may be piling up, tempers flair, emotions are at a peak, and we all seem to be moving in different directions. Maybe that is the real defense mechanism. The real moment we experience God. Maybe, God is saying feel, see, listen, and still trust Me! Be mad! Let it out! Feel it! Share it! Pray about! Ask for guidance from friends! Lean on each other! Share with your kids! Be authentic in a time when that authenticity means more than ever! You all owe it to yourself! Be present and then let Me be! 

So, as I reflected, I thought that perhaps stillness is not the absence of activity, but the decision to remain grounded and be true to our place and thoughts while life continues around us. It is choosing to recognize the goodness of today instead of postponing joy until every concern has been resolved. What if we decided to feel our happily ever after at the end of each day? We had a good day. Today we lived a happily ever after moment. 

Gratitude draws my attention to the people who care for me, the memories we share, and the strength God provides for the next step… not necessarily the entire path. I may not know how long this season will last or what the final answer will be, what God will decide our peace is, but I can choose trust today. I can love my family today. I can be happy today. I can receive today as a gift rather than treating it as a waiting room for tomorrow. 

Oh, and when the waiting feels too long, remember… You do not have to be DC the owl (One, two, three… Crunch!) and force your way to the center. God is already there waiting for as long as we need to get there. 

Believe In The Unbelievable that is YOU and my prayer for you today is from Psalm 46:10.

“Be still, and know that I am God.” 

Have a great day ahead everyone and may today you get a happily ever after moment. 

Little Boy, Big Dreams LLC

Purposeful Pathways

DC